Feelings of disloyalty
December 12, 2008 § 14 Comments
I always equate Karachi to a couple of fast fun filled weeks, a reunion with Cousins, a couple of dawats, dinners, good food and a flight back home. I was questioned once, if I’d like to live here permanently, and I balked at the question.
Not because I don’t like the Country [And in this case, city], but I can’t imagine myself living here permanently, or adjusting to the environment, culture or people. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not one of those snobby sophisticated female with an army of servants at her beck and call, in fact, i don’t like servants because I feel horribly sympathetic towards them. [And according to my Mom, this doesn’t help them either, as that way they don’t get any employment].
I just think its naturally hard to think about living somewhere else when you were born and raised in a different Country, environment and culture. Or is that just me?
The longest i’ve stayed in karachi is a period of two months and by the second month, i was really longing to go back home. Yes, Karachi is a fun filled city, but when I over exceed my limit of staying here, I start feeling suffocated. The influence of bollywood/hindu culture, lack of ‘practicing Islam’ and the preference of culture over religion irritates me. I feel that people here aren’t so aware of what is happening around the World and are so excessively involved in themselves and family poltics [not to mention gossip!].
This is probably an issue with me, but my Imaan on the whole tends to drop when I’m here. I guess that also has to do with the fact that back home, I have an environemnt of friends who I’m on the same wave length with, who I can have intellectual conversation with and they are there to help me rise when I’m on the down low when it comes to spirituality. The Prophet Sallalahu alayhi wasallam has said, that a person is on the religion of his/her friend. And it is encouraged for this reason to keep good righteous company, so that practicing your religion is easier, as your friends are there to encourage you to do good and not evil.
I’m the sort to keep ‘active’ with whatever political and religious issues that are happening in our World right now. I like reading the newspaper. The only time I actually do open the T.V is to watch… news [Or Animal Planet/Cartoons :P]. Over here, I feel so cut off from all that. All people have on their channels are bollywood films instead and I have a hard time ‘connecting’ with any of the females here [So far my Cousins that i’ve encountered] when it comes to politics and/or religion.
I’m not saying that all females or males in Karachi are dimwitted people, this would be an insult to some of the ladies and families I know here and I understand that all sort of people live in a Society. But the above is a observation made in general.
And so, I’m not so patriotic. Yes, I feel a certain bit of liking and I feel a tug towards the Country and I’m concerned about its religious and political affairs but I’m not terribly ‘in love’ with it.
Is it such a sin, being unpatriotic or feeling this way? Is it so wrong – to be unable to say ‘I love Pakistan?’ Or are my feelings balanced and natural because I haven’t technically been involved with this Country except for maybe vacations and weddings? Don’t get me wrong, I don’t *hate* the Country, but my feelings towards it are very neutral, I do however want it to grow and flourish and I defend it when it needs defendng. [So, I must feel something].
[Islamically, I know i’m justified though. Nationalism isn’t exactly encouraged in Islam. ;)]
What do you guys think? Be honest and feel free to disagree. 🙂 [You won’t be hurting my feelings! :P]