Follow Your Heart
December 22, 2008 § 7 Comments
A content heart is hard to come by. We, the human species are extremely ungrateful and almost never satisfied. But sometimes, one will feel this satisfaction of the heart with Imaan. And it is profoundly beautiful. So beautiful, that the reality could be the worst possible scenario, but your imaan filled content heart will make it seem easy.
I’ve felt this sweetness of Imaan in my heart. And once an individual feels it, they fall in love with it. What made the companions of the Prophet sallalahu alayhi wasallam so strong and steadfast one might wonder? What made them sacrifice so much for the sake of Allah? It is this same imaan.
The Scholars of Islam say Imaan fluctuates. And this is the truth, you’ll notice, your Imaan will never stay the same. It will either go up or down or only stay the same for short periods of time. This is the will of Allah. A person must stay in a constant struggle to keep their Imaan tank full.
There are various things that make ones Imaan fall. Sins, actions which go against the shariah, your environment, circumstances, it could be anything. With me, the minute my imaan is on a low-down I can feel it and sometimes, I know the reasons behind it.
I’ve been so stressed for the past month or so and my Imaan wasn’t exactly anywhere where I’d once had it. I’d mentioned previously on my blog that I had a very good Job offer from somewhere and I was considering it. This consideration literally made me go crazy. The reason was because, at the beginning of the year, I’d made the intention of dedicating this year to doing nothing but study the deen – to gain knowledge and to study, learn and implement the Qurán. I’d signed up for a one and a half year Quran course and I was in my second month of it when I got this Job offer.
And I considered it. Maybe it was a test from Allah, but it was amazing how this particular job was exactly tailored around my needs and wants. It was my perfect place to work. A nice environment, a field which I’m involved in, a position in the government, and they were absolutely okay about any sort of strict shariah pardah – it was amazing. But the only thing was, it was clashing badly with my Qurán classes. The timings were nearly the same.
I felt a mountain load on my chest for the past month or so not knowing what decision I should make. I made myself believe I could do both, Qurán and work. I would do the Qurán as correspondence, there was an option about that and I could work at the same time.
But I’d been doing isitkhaarah, and even later on, I just felt so stressed about the whole issue, I didn’t know why but my heart was not content. It kept on telling me something was wrong. I guess I knew I couldn’t handle it, that this was the wrong thing for me to do.
And so… after agonising over it for nearly a month and loosing sleep over what to do, I finally made the decision today. I wasn’t going to take up this job offer. It felt so good, subhanAllah. My heart felt so light after I thought it through. I felt such immense peace and a feeling of being content.
I called up my Mom and Sister [Who are still in Pakistan] today and I spoke to them again for a second opinion. And alhamdulilah, they were supportive of the decision I wanted to make. I opted out. I felt so good. As if a huge burden was lifted of my chest, I wanted to cry with happiness after I made the decision.
Falsa e-mailed me this hadith sometime back, and I remembered it again when going through this time of ‘thinking over’.
Wabisah bin Ma`bad (May Allah be pleased with him) reported: I went to Messenger of Allah (PBUH) and he asked me, “Have you come to inquire about piety?” I replied in the affirmative. Then he said, “Ask your heart regarding it. Piety is that which contents the soul and comforts the heart, and sin is that which causes doubts and perturbs the heart, even if people pronounce it lawful and give you verdicts on such matters again and
again.” [Ahmad and Ad-Darmi].
Sometimes, at the back of our heads, in our hearts, we know what is right. Our heart is there to guide us, to tell us what is wrong and right. Especially when it comes to matters of religion, but we’re stubborn. We think we know whats right. And Shaytan is always there to increase that stubbornness.
Alhamdulilah, I’m so happy now. 🙂