Is there any hope?

February 2, 2010 § 17 Comments

A friend of mine emailed me today saying she was divorced. Yes, divorced. Shes been married for only two years.

Another friend of mine is also filing for divorce because her husband hit her.

Both of the couples above, when you’d see them a couple of months back you wouldn’t think there would be any cause for divorce. It’s amazing how people can change.

Which makes me hesitate in jumping the marriage bandwagon even in the future.

I’m probably paranoid but you can’t blame me when I’ve seen two of my Sisters’ going through the difficult process of divorce when I was growing up. Leaves emotional scars behind. In the end, the thought of getting hitched isn’t appealing. I’ll probably give whoever I do end up getting married to a nightmare.

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§ 17 Responses to Is there any hope?

  • farooqk says:

    why do people get divorced?

    • PD says:

      Thats a loaded question. Hundred and millions of reasons. Marriage doesnt always work out, that is why divorce is allowed islamically in the first place.

  • Leena S. says:

    i ant blame you for thinking like that…i have been through this phase myself, having been married for 4 months now, i still do get such thoughts…but we cant stop living for the fear of death, can we?

  • Omar says:

    Assalamu alaikum,

    Agree with ur fear, but why are you looking only at the failed once?? There are a lot of other blessed marriages, try looking into them 🙂

    Pray hard.

    • PD says:

      Wa Alaykumsalam,

      I know, but I guess thats my weakness. Not to mention, there are very few blessed marriages that exist these days anyway.

  • Specs says:

    I’ve been through a lot of the same thought processes that you’re going through and I’ve come to the conclusion that like all other experiences, this also varies from person to person. Don’t take marriage as a generalization. :-)Coming from a family where I’ve seen nothing but heartache in the name of marriage, one of my friends said something that set me straight: ‘When you think ‘marriage’, you think of your parents; you think of your sister. let me tell you, those aren’t marriages. Stop making them the standard.’

    And yes. She was right.

    All the people who get married say the same thing: it will make you happy like you’ve never been before. And it will hurt like nothing you’ve ever experienced before. But that’s real life, PD. Do not make other people’s live your standard for what marriages are!!

  • H says:

    You know I came to this post a couple of times not knowing what to write that might be atleast akin to good advice because, I , like you PD, think about this topic quite a few times during the day.
    But Specs, that piece of advice was amazing. Thanks! 🙂

  • People get divorced due to lack of tolerance. One must understand that Marriage is not all about keeping two people of same mindset under one roof. It’s an art in which two people learn to co-exist despite of having different point of view. Not everyone has got such art hence people suffer and prefer to get divorced. On the other hand it’s man’s responsibility to keep things in order by neglecting little mistakes of his partner. If one does not have such art then he/she should try to learn it otherwise things get so difficult even if one is not married. A man hitting his wife is not going to do anything better for himself either since this is just reflecting how weak he is. Similarly a woman who just quits home just because she does not like to listen “orders” by her husband does not deserve to get into any kind of bonding.

    Now getting not married due to such fear does not make sense. Specially when you believe that you believe in what Allah(swt) has decided for you. I believe that we should not get worried about things which are not in our hands and let God decides what would be good for us. That’s why Islam suggests Istakhara.

  • Haris Gulzar says:

    Its just so sad to know people bringing such a beautiful relation to an end in such a way :-(. And this has recently been increasing alarmingly, or at least I feel so. I have heard about a lot many not-so-happy marriages in my recent past :-S. Is it because we have stopped compromising, or think it is just too easy to get into a relationship and then end it. Divorce is allowed in Islam for sure, but it is an act that Allah SWT really dislikes. Marriage is an art of understanding each other, despite having different point of views, as said by Adnan above. May Allah SWT guide us all…

  • muhajababeconfessions says:

    H, your fears regarding marriage are also being echoed by many young women, world over, including many young women within my own social circle. And I can totally understand why: when you see people around you embarking on their married lives with such enthusiasm, hope and joy, one would correctly assume that divorce is an impossibility. Unfortunately, when things don’t pann out quite so well for many couples, divorce becomes an easy way out for those unwilling to try, unwilling to put in the effort. Mind you, there are also many divorces which have ended for valid reasons (who are we to judge?).

    Spec’s advice is fantastic, and that’s what I’ll reiterate here: create your own standards and don’t look to others for precedent 🙂

    • PD says:

      Agreed. 🙂 And welcome to the blog. Yep, not denying that for some marriage them ending was for the greater good.

      Specs rocks mashaAllah. 🙂

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